I remember the day I met Kevin, like it was yesterday. Something about him was so paralysing, I couldn't help but stare! Yes, he was gorgeous, but more than that, he oozed charisma. He smiled at me, as he noticed my intense gaze, and I gasped. He took my breath away!
After that first encounter, I was mesmerised. He obviously knew I was attracted to him. What I couldn't believe was how he too seemed attracted to me! I don't know why...he seemed so far out of my league with his athletic build, and striking features. It took everything in me to look away and think of something other than his full pink lips.
I met Kevin about a month later at a mutual friend's 30th birthday bash. As before, he was breathtaking. ALL the ladies were looking at him, and many of the guys too!!! I tried to be distracted by other things, but he seemed to be my reference point. At one point, our eyes met across the room. He smiled again, and I almost fainted!
He came to where I was sitting and introduced himself. "You're the girl from the Cafe, right?"
"Uh umm..." was all I could muster. "Janet".
"Yeah, I thought you looked familiar." He said, so composed. "How do you know Keisha?"
"She's one of my best friends. We've known each other since High School" I replied, after catching my breath.
"Oh cool! I know her brother, Tom. We went to Uni together." He smiled and gave me a once over. "So you here with anyone?"
OMG! My heart was racing. I couldn't believe it. Stunned, I looked around the whole room, and saw all the beautiful ladies, whose faces were grimacing at me. In the crowd, I saw Keisha smiling and giving me the thumbs up! Obviously, I was the luckiest girl in the room.
I looked up at him, finally, and said "no one special", then smiled. Wow! Where did that come from??? No one special? There was no one PERIOD!
So, that's how the story of Kevin and Janet started. It was like a whirlwind romance. The whole time, it seemed like I was in a trance. And I never could get over how gorgeous he was or how lucky I was to be chosen to be his lady.
Don't get me wrong, he had so many other things going for him besides his looks. He was well to do, from a privileged family. He knew how to treat a woman like she's the only one in the world, and he was always happy! He made me happy just by being close to him.
However, he didn't believe in God. With everything else going for him, I decided that that was a minor point. I hoped that in time, my faith will rob off on him. But, the opposite happened. He robbed off on me. Seeing how happy and successful he was, I started to think like him. Who needs God, when you have everything else???
As time went on, I made many compromises. I did what I had to do to keep him in my life. Not only did we share the same bed, we shared the same house. It had been two years, and I was really hoping he'd pop the question! But he never did.
The thought of leaving him never crossed my mind, until the day I caught him with another woman! But even then, it was a fleeting thought. He was all I had and all I wanted, and I couldn't bare to loose him, so rather than break up or walk away, I begged him. I forgave him before he considered apologising. He said "it just happened, and he didn't mean to hurt me".
However, that was the beginning of the end. The first time he hit me, was when I told him I was pregnant! "You lying bitch!" he yelled. "Are you trying to trap me? Do you know who I am?"
Clearly, I didn't! But I was about to find out. He pressured me endlessly to abort the baby. But I didn't want to. It was the only link I had with the man I loved, because the man was no where to be found anymore. Eventually, he broke up with me.
The pain was so terrible! I was so devastated, I could barely eat. I thought I would die, but I lost something more precious...I lost the baby to a miscarriage at four months. I lost my last connection to him. Everything I'd given up to be with him was in vain. I soon found out the true cost of our relationship. He had truly taken my breath away, as I am now living with HIV.
I have wondered many times where I missed it. I know now that I valued as nought what should have been the most important thing - his faith in God. And I esteemed as great what should have been the least consideration, his appearance. I also didn't possess the self esteem and confidence needed to stand by my faith.
I know there are many girls out there making the same mistakes. Please learn from Janet's experience. Don't trade your soul for anything or anyone. At the end of the day, you'll lose everything, as well as the soul you didn't value.
Photo credit: www.unsplash.com